15 Feb

Are Destructive Habits And Devouring Addictions Sprouted From Harmless Desires?

Ed, my old neighbor in Saskatchewan, says that it looks like the big cash crop of the future will be growing marijuana. He thinks the fields of canola, grains, beans, hay, etc. in his breadbasket province will give way to supplying Canadian smokers of pot. Ed sees that it will become a real problem in twenty years because by then we will be a nation of, ‘Dope Heads.’ He sees it destroying his beloved hockey, the heart, and soul of Canada and Canadians from coast to coast.

I had to ask Ed, “How will that be so?” The hockey players will no longer be fast skating and hard hitting, but cool and relaxed and full of peace. Games will take a day to play because teams in the dressing rooms between periods will not be able to return to the ice until every player there has finished his weed, grass, herb, joint, reefer, cannabis, hay, rope or Mary Jane. Ed said that it stands to reason that if many drunks get mean and fight; marijuana smokers will get relaxed and chilled and insist the goalie come out of the net, and let the other team get as many goals as they want.


15 Feb

Some Mistakes Are So Impressive That Everyone Hears About Them

Ed my old neighbor from Saskatchewan has always said, “Sin boldly and let everyone talk about it for a week or two.” I am sure the Hawaiian employee who pressed the wrong button and activated Hawaii’s Emergency Alert System earlier this year wasn’t trying to get everyone talking and in a panic. I see it as a mistake that wasn’t deliberate but just happened. I have spent a lifetime making errors about many different things. I sympathize with the employee as I know his name could have been mine.

Our own mistakes are often most problematic to ourselves. We tend to be gentle with ourselves when we are to blame for our own mistakes. When our mistakes affect others, the criticism rolls towards us with the force of a tidal wave or a Tsunami. When the employee pushed the wrong button, the cell phones of every Hawaiian lit up and told them a missile attack was imminent. The alert made it clear that it was not a drill! What people did not know, for, some time, was that the warning was a mistake.

Old Horse

15 Feb

Do They Still Make Glue Out Of Old Horses

According to Ed, my old neighbor in Saskatchewan, if I get another tooth pulled out I’ll be a toothless, old, horse ready for the glue factory. Why did I mention to Ed about having my tooth pulled out? Should I have known Ed would use the event to rib me?

I did not want to talk about the needles, the drilling, the wrenching and the pulling on a tooth that fought eviction to its death. A tooth extraction should be forgotten immediately as something too traumatic to dwell on.  I told Ed that I did feel like an old horse with no usable teeth when returning from the dentist with my face and lips frozen and a wad of cotton packed in the hole left from the extracted tooth. I was ready for the pasture to lie down in it for sleep; rather than for a trip to the glue factory. I asked Ed if they still make glue from horses and he said, “Maybe?”


26 Jan

Little Words Say What You Mean; Big Words Are Too Often Gobbledygook

Ed, my old neighbor from Saskatchewan, has a great dislike for the game of ‘Scrabble.’ “It is a game that gives too few points to ordinary words, and gives too many points for obscure, long-lettered, words,” Ed insists.

A holiday game of Scrabble still has my old neighbor grumbling. Ed wrote down two of the words a relative used in the game. He asked me if I knew what the two words meant. I had no quick definitions of pediculosis and microscopical from his game.


26 Jan

Fanny Crosby

Folks Have Remarkable Memories For The Things That Interest Them

When Ed called yesterday, I wanted to tell him about the power of a good memory. “I used to have a good memory,” I told Ed. I also said that my remembering has dulled over time. I warned Ed, that as a senior citizen memories have a way of shrinking. Ed, offered that he understood that a bad memory was the key to happiness.

I shared with Ed, about Fanny Crosby and her power to remember. At six weeks old in 1820, she caught a cold and inflammation of her eyes. This condition resulted in her permanent blindness. Fanny was brought up earnestly by her mother and grandmother in the Christian faith, as her father had died when she was six months old. At the age of ten, Fanny memorized five chapters of the Bible each week. By age 15, she had memorized the four gospels, the first five books of the Bible, the Book of Proverbs, the Song of Solomon, and many Psalms.

Getting Better

14 Jan

Fixate On Your Cell Phone, Remote Control, and Daily Pills

“Here I go again, another time of retiring,” I told Ed. I told him this because once you retire, you do not necessarily stay retired. For the last two years, I was filling in at a church during their pastoral vacancy. It ended last week with the installation of their new pastor. Ed, my old neighbor from Saskatchewan, sees retirement as a time when the living is secure and comfortable for others. My old neighbor could retire himself, but he would rather be chained to his Quonset and face a firing squad.

To say that Ed has a negative view of retirement would be right on the money. Retirement for Ed is a slow death where you fixate on your cell phone calling others to tell them what you miss from the good old days. No one cares if you miss coal furnaces, outhouses, water from the handpump at the well, or coonskin hats. For Ed, the worst thing about retirement is that nobody even your longsuffering wife cares if you control the remote control anymore. According to Ed, the most laborious thinking a person does in retirement is keeping their pills straight and taken every day not three times a week.