Names

21 Apr

Call People Names that will Upset and Offend Them

Ed, my neighbor next door, refuses to believe I could live so long and know so little. My neighbor was irritated with me last week when he asked me the worst name I could call another person. Ed likes to call other folks names, like, brain-dead, stupid, greedy and ding-bat. These were among the milder labels he puts on people. When I told him, it was no compliment to call other people, ‘sheep.’ He lost himself in pure frustration with me.

“Hit me with a stick or stone, and I might bleed,” Ed fumed. “Call me stupid or a ding-bat and look out for those are fighting words. Call me a sheep and I could care less! Ray, you are so pathetic that you cannot even insult other people with force,” my neighbor ranted at me.

Eyes

21 Apr

Open Your Two Eyes and Watch What You Are Doing

Ed, my neighbor next door, watched me back my car out of the garage yesterday. My neighbor didn’t mind telling me that my backing up could have been straighter and better. Ed is a person who tells anyone and everyone what he feels they need to know, whether they want to hear it or not. Some folks give their two cents on everything they see, as if, it is worth ten dollars. Ed cannot believe anyone would not want to hear his opinions, except Ruby, his wife. He admits family members are a tough and skeptical bunch when told anything.

“You have two eyes to watch what you are doing,” Ed told me. “You backed out of your garage like you had your eyes shut. Did you have your glasses on?” he asked.

Kids

6 Apr

Don’t Talk to Grandkids and Interrupt Their Texting

     Ed, my neighbor next door, had a challenge when it came to his grandchildren at Easter. His grandchildren at Edmonton are into their teens and are busy with handheld devices. My neighbor says that they talk, text, take pictures, play games and act like there are no living creatures around them. Ed claims, “You may as well be in a room of zombies because your grandkids are absorbed playing with their devices. We have lost them to their gadgets. It is as bad as them being in a cult.”

     Easter turned sour for Ed on another level. He returned home to Melville to discover a different real estate sign on our lawn. He is determined that we have switched horses in midstream, and it could now take even longer for our house to sell. Ed says that if our house doesn’t soon sell he will have to buy it for one of his grandkids. The problem is that he would have to communicate with them through an iPhone. It is the only way to get his grandkids’ attention. My neighbor admits he isn’t smart enough to use a Smartphone so he won’t be buying our house. I’m with Ed when it comes to iPhones, I’m back in the past, still impressed with touch tone phones rather than dial phones.

Skeptic

6 Apr

Easter Eggs and Chocolate Bunnies Are Enough For Me

        Ed, my neighbor next door, took a great many chocolate Easter eggs and bunnies to his family at Edmonton last week. Ed likes to make sure the children at their Easter celebrations will have lots of candy treats. He spoils them with more Easter chocolate than is good for them. My neighbor is generous about Easter chocolate but negative about the religious significance of Easter. He dismisses the truth that Easter is the center of Christian joy and hope. Ed claims that Easter is enough in ‘Easter Egg Hunts’ for kids.

        Ed dismisses the life, death and resurrection of Jesus as church talk. He claims our world needs to have a church talk separation. By that, he means what is said at church stays there so that people can celebrate Easter without any religious connotations. Certainly many people do celebrate Easter and Christmas without any reference to Jesus Christ.

Art

25 Mar

People Will Do Weird Things When They Are Bored

Ed, my neighbor next door, was suffering from a full blown case of boredom last week. He talked to me at the post office Tuesday morning and learned that we were planning to travel to Yorkton in the afternoon. In his boredom, he asked to ride along to Yorkton. Ed assumed that we would be going to Walmart or the mall, as he likes to shop in Yorkton if it doesn’t cost him anything for gas.

In the car on the way into Yorkton, Ed found out that we were going to the Godfrey Dean Art Gallery, and his boredom turned to panic. My neighbor is a tough art critic. He only likes realistic art. He is very vocal in saying that it isn’t art unless you can see what it is supposed to be. Ed said to me that he supposed that I had some useless information to share about art. I said, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Then I threw out some other quotes that I like for Ed. I told him the artist Andy Warhol said, “An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have.” Ed agreed with Andy that people don’t need to have paintings especially if they don’t make any sense. Ed rejected the words of another artist’s words that, “A painting is never finished, as it simply stops in interesting places.”

Charity

22 Mar

Everybody is Eager to Be the Boss, Throw Their Weight Around

Ed, my neighbor next door, met his match last week. His uncle Fred arrived from Edmonton for a two-day-stop-over on a train trip to Winnipeg. Could it be, that if family members are, too much, alike then, things don’t go well? Is it like having a mirror in one’s face for too long? Seeing yourself, while you shave or put on make-up is necessary, but a glance in the mirror isn’t meant to take all day. Ruby said that Ed’s uncle Fred is an older edition of Ed, as stubborn, and as know-it-all as Ed.

Apparently, when Ed was in high school, he worked with his uncle in construction for a summer. His uncle was foreman and a tough boss on everyone. My neighbor said that his uncle never pitched in to work with them, but found fault with everything that the workers did. He was a boss who threw his weight around and made sure everyone knew he was over and above his workers. When his uncle got moved to another worksite, the workers rejoiced; until the next foreman came, and he turned out to be the same boss in a different body. Ed decided during that summer job that he hated taking orders. On the farm, he could be the boss of himself. Ed still sees his uncle Fred as a bossy, know-it-all, and his uncle still sees Ed as someone who needs his correction. The two-day visit was a long one for Ed.