According to Ed

God Is Not Spiraling Out Of Control

My old neighbor in Saskatchewan says, “At an election time there are always two points of view. Things have never been so bad, or things have never been so good, depending on which political, point of view suits you.”

I agree with Ed in that, at election time, folks tend to name it and blame it or name it and claim it. Some promise a balanced budget, while others are not afraid of deficits. It is the time one can be for or against endless issues. Elections always seem to heighten the feeling that things may be spiraling out of control. Even when the election is all said and done, some will be anxious and discouraged about the results.

The Excitement Of Eating With Missing Teeth

When Ed phoned last, I was looking at the ads for dentists in the phone directory. I asked him which dentist office sounded best to him: the first one had the slogan, “We care gently for kids, for adults, and cowards too.” The second dentist’s office had the expression, “We take care of your mouth like an angel.” My old neighbor said that he didn’t like either. He would go to a dentist that promised, “True painless dentistry at no cost to you ever.”

Since going to the dentist is a necessary mixture of physical and mental torture, I like the idea of a slogan to motivate me. I usually get going to the dentist because a nasty toothache forces me to go. I am too good at ignoring regular checkups and paying with a tooth demanding attention. Love is said to conquer all, but I have not found it so with a toothache. I also recognize a dentist’s chair is the only place I should open my mouth. You cannot put your foot in your mouth there with the dentist drilling, filling, or extracting your teeth in your open mouth.

Accept, Adapt, Learn, And Let Others Complain

“I am trying to have a right attitude for my first curling game this coming week,” I told Ed yesterday. He told me that the only frame of mind needed for curling is that you must win your game. I said maybe this would be the year I’ll have a winning attitude, but I have found that the opposing curling teams also always want to win. There is the need to face the challenge of great shots by the other side. The pressure is always on to adapt and learn to make even better-placed rocks than theirs. Being better than your competition isn’t a sure thing. Most of all, I must not complain about slow or fast ice. For an old guy like me, there are a lot of things to keep straight to have the right attitude in curling.

Ed asked me, “Have you heard how popular curling has become?” Before I could say I hadn’t heard, Ed said, “It is sweeping the nation?” Then he was able to get one more lame joke in before I could ask for mercy. Ed asked me, “What did one curling stone say to the other?” He answered again before me, “I won’t take you for granite.” Ed admitted his curling jokes have been around forever, but he felt I needed to hear them.

Angel Is Not A Word That I’m Often Called

Ed, my old neighbor from Saskatchewan, called yesterday and most times when he calls, I’m searching for information about something, and I was then too. Ed believes by my age that I should say that, I don’t have any answers and I’m not looking for any. My old neighbor feels that once you have found information that you were looking for, no one wants to hear it anyway. He accused me of searching for information that, “No One Would Care About but Me!”

It just so happened that I was looking up information about St. Michael and All Angels as a Lesser Festival Day when Ed called. This Feast Day has been celebrated since the 12^th Century on Sept. 29, which this year is on a Sunday. Ed asked, “Is that the day you put on wings, and they lift you in and out of the pulpit by a rope and pulley? Or is it the day, The Angel List, is hammered on the church door and congregational members see if their name is on it?” I told him to stop with his wisecracks. He admitted that an angel is one name he has never been called and not likely will be called by Ruby his wife.

Let The Thunder Crash, Crack, Roll, And Peel

“Hurricanes bash, batter, battle, beat, wallop, pound, clobber and destroy whatever they pass over and through as perilous storms. Thankfully we do not experience them here at Chilliwack,” I told Ed yesterday. We did have a significant thunderstorm erupt after some rumbles of thunder last evening. At dark, the sky was illuminated with lightning, and then pet frightening; crashes, cracks, rolls, and peals of thunder and pouring rain developed. There was no ignoring this thunderstorm. Thankfully, no wind gusts like Hurricane Dorian displayed.

Ed, my old neighbor in Saskatchewan, said that if we didn’t get hail, I shouldn’t even mention a typical thunderstorm. He noted that Hurricane Dorian is worth talking about because in the Bahamas it was too big and powerful to endure. With Dorian, folks needed to get out of the way and stay away until the storm was over.

For once I agreed with Ed and said, “You cannot ride out every storm

Slaying, Or Taming The Dragon Of Stress

“The kids are going back to school tomorrow, and their stress usually wears off after a couple of weeks,” I told Ed when he called yesterday which was Labor Day. It may take a few days to sort out bus pick up times, who has the right lunch pail, and a new teacher who may need taming or slaying with good behavior for at least a week. The stress of starting back to school for students generally changes to ordinary routines quickly.

Ed was quick to say that when he has retired like me the only stress, that he will have will be pulling fish into his boat. He assured me that it would be real grief to him if a fish gets away. I reminded him that if he is curling then, he will be distressed if his rock has a mind of its own and goes through the house.